me

Life in General

My Jack, (pup) is now weighing 98.5 pounds! I'm sitting here at 11 at night on a Saturday with my husband, and Jack. Husband is playing Civilization on the computer and I am laying in bed watching Vacancy. Its a good movie, makes me not want to ever stop at a small town motel though. My niece went home today. I really hate that she had to leave. Especially of because where she is going. My mother has custody of her and her brother. Mother recently threatened to hold a gun to my nine year old nieces head and blow her brains all over the fucking wall. Yes, nice person to have custody of children, eh? I hate her. I have realized the fact that I will not be one of the lucky woman to have a relationship with their mothers. My mother is selfish, cruel, greedy and just plain wicked at heart. She has a long history of child abuse. My sister and I were placed with our father after a teacher seen a huge nasty bruise on my leg and asked me about it. In my mothers mind, I went to school and told them a load of lies, but i just answered my teachers question, I said "I got in trouble". The next thing I knew, I was being called down to the office with my teacher, the principle and some lady I later found out to be with child services. That's how it happened. I didn't lie. I didn't want to start trouble as my mother puts it. I didn't know what she was doing was wrong really. I mean, when your raised a certain way, it doesn't seem wrong right? .... anywho...
BRB gonna smoke a hoot. Back. I'm trying to start a lil jewelry business. Not like a business type business, just basically, making jewelry and selling it online or at a flea market. Plan is to make hopefully maybe 100-200 a week selling them. I have a signature style created already. I've been researching online and I've found that everybody and their brother make jewelry, though I'm hoping that mine is appreciated as well. Heres a picture of one I've done:

I only have one picture on my laptop I guess, I thought I had more. I will add some of those later. I plan on making a site on here (blogger) specificaly for my jewerly. Though I'm not sure how selling them online works as I don't use any banks or credit cards.

Husband and I looked at a house yesterday. I really want to get it. Its not gorgouse or even pretty but its a house and it would be our house. I'm really handy with deocration and construction type stuff so I could do alot to the house to make it look real good. (Dad raised me right, in the tool shop lol, I know more than most boys now a days.) The plan is to go to a bank monday and see how much and even if we can get a load at all then go from there. Its not like we have a bunch of credit card debt or anything, I have a lot of doctor bills from when i was 18 and things like that. We make a blue collar living, its a paycheck by paycheck living, we don't have a savings. But the situation we're living in right now is the cause for that. If we got this house we would save soooooo much money. Jack would have a fenced in yard. He would love that. It would just be Husband, Me and Jack. That is all I want. We're a married couple with no kids. I want a baby soon. But a house comes first...

American Prison Systems

ok, so a lil fact about me. I love watching those locked up shows. About life in prison. OK. So this is my two cents:

HARSHER PUNISHMENTS!!.. Why do we pay so much money to house, feed, cloth, give tv to these criminals? If someone is in for life for killing another person and is found guilty no doubt about it- why don't we just take em' outback with a bullet? I mean seriously, all the schools around me are closing, but yet, more and more prisons are being filled to maximum capacity. It just seems to idiotic for it to be this way. Maybe if there were more schools, they're would be less crime right? All these punk ass bitches behind bars talking shit, thinking they hard and whatnot- but they are just wastes! Shoot em all, save millions of dollars to put into schools! the true people who are hard and tough are the ones who stick it out every dam day, going to work for their small paycheck to pay the electric bill on time and have just enough left over to take the kids camping or just even have a bowl of icecream at home, those are the guys that are tough! not the ones running their mouth sitting in a jail cell.. It just makes more sense to me to take care of the children and people are do abide by the laws and live life the moral way instead of taken care of all the pathetic idiots shooting people, raping woman, child molesters, wife beaters, kid beaters, murderers, gang bangers, drug dealers, thief's etc.. lets save the money, spend 20 bucks on a box of bullets and send that money to schools instead of spending the money on a murdering rapist 'lifer' for food, room, tv, etc... It just makes no sense. Maybe if that money was spent on schools instead, then those kids that grow up in the worst possible places here in the US, would have a much better chance at a good education, therefore giving them the possibilities to be a success in life then to end up dealing drugs and killing people. Every child out there deserves a chance- not the scum in jail- every kid counts no matter their skin color, where they grow up, who their parents are, or whatever. It breaks my heart that i see these little kids running around with their pants sagging down to their knees acting like a gangbanger thinking thats the coolest thing around- if their schools were properly funded, they would have the education to know that being a doctor, or teacher or a scientist or a writer, or a artist, a soldier, a business man is the coolest thing around...


Maybe I am wrong for thinking this. I feel for the victims though not criminals. If you did the crime, deal with it. Does this make sense? Anyone got an opinion? I would love a debate, a mature debate, no bashing (thats childish). To maybe help understand why I feel this way, I've been a victim of many types of abuse, though I will not go into details on the types because that is just way to personal..

anywho, i just wanted to say that. So, I guess my question is: would you rather take care of the kids in your community or the scum that just beat his wife and kids down?

no will power

so i broke down and picked up some stuff. Its been a while but it'll be nice for a lil' pick me up. Bah. I suddenly don't want to write anymore.

goodnite.

lack of friends. abundance of things to do; status mood bars

I've not been on here much. This seemed like such a great idea at first. I thought, hey I'll meet some people and my friends and stuff could read it and we could share ideas, talk about nothing important and things of importance... But no, it seems that none of my friends are interested in what I'm saying or just plain don't care. It's disheartening. And I've yet to meet anyone. So is 'blogging' worth it? I doubt it. It's a waste of time I'm feeling. Yet, I have no job and I have a bad case of insomnia that's been plaguing me for years. Recently, I've been thinking about having a friend. Someone that's interested in the same things as I. That will get laughs from the same things. That will treat me sensitively as I take everything said to me to heart. I want a friend I can call at 3 am and just burp into the phone and hang up and they'll just call me back and burp back. Silly.

I want a friend who will put up my random rantings about the lack of good nail polish that isn't 15 dollars a bottle without making me feel like an idiot or like I'm just bothering them like a splinter that you can't remove. I stick with the $1.99 bottles though the color choices are limited and it is a poor quality polish, must use base and multiple top coats. I'm lonely. My husband works all day. He loves me and I love him, so very much. Yet, I'm still lonely. No, I do not want a secret lover or to cheat or anything. I want just a friend to hang out with and do absolutely nothing and possibly everything. I used to have a lot of friends. Then they hated my boyfriend so they abandoned me. In situations like those, just think about this: you are not dating the person so what does it matter to you who I love?

Anyone body out there need a friend? I'm available...

Pondering: what time will I wake up tomorrow (later today since its well past midnight)

I've got my flowers in the dirt today, most of them at least. I will need more, many many more! My uterus didn't want to help me have a baby, but at least I can plant a seed and it will grow into a beautiful flower. I'm transgressing I think. Is that what its called?

I've got a lot to do around this old house. Its falling apart. My childhood home, is a dump. Its sad. At one point it used to be the nicest house on the block. Now its that house. You know, the house that all the others hate to look at. My dad just kind of gave up I think after what my mom did.

My brother is here. He's been 'fucking up' for the past year and then some. I honestly do not know what to feel or think. Is it totally pathetically wrong to not trust your own brother? To feel like you can't leave your car keys out. I feel that then I feel horrible that I feel that. I hope he means it. I cannot take him doing all this for yet again. There is only so many times you can say your sorry for the same thing before the word means nothing but an attempt for portraying remorse. Saying your sorry and apologizing means you will never do that specific thing again.

Wheres my status/mood bar on this one ya know? Nearly everyone has a MySpace, I'm not so different. Right now it would state:
"Sitting here blabbering into my blog." Mood: Wordy

Hmm, wonder if there is an app for that on blogspot. I shall check.

I think I'm done for now.

funny right?............... hmmmph

so if a womans wants to spend a half her life shaving/ripping out all her body hair- go for it but me... no, yea i do a bit of light grooming but that's the extent. I bet a man thought of this insightful marketing ploy:



now i feel i should be offended...but yet its just like any other commercial. to exploit and brainwash... everyone has seen an ax commercial right? woman will turn into brain dead sex zombies if u smell like ax.. I've discussed this with people, they're like its no big deal its funny.. yea it is funny.. but its still fu#$ed up...anywho I'm all hoped up on vicodin from something horrible thats happened... i'm done now..

My Grandfather- The Airstream Man

My Grandpa Lee is 91 years old. Hes done the same things everyday since forever started... He rises early in the morning, goes to TeeJays or Waffle house for breakfast. Comes home and works in the garage on something or is in a airstream working on it. He'll stop when its dark, usually around 830 or 9 and go to bed. Hes the man people call when their Airstream needs work. Drop his name around anyone with an Airstream and they know exactly who your talking about. My brother has his name an application as a reference and was immediately hired on the spot with a nice hourly wage by the owner after seeing that name. He has enjoyed going on his caravan trips forever, driving to Alaska or Florida, he loves it. I always wanted to go with him on a trip since I was little, never have though.

(thats not him, found this pic on photobucket)

The other night I had to go get him. The cops pulled him over doing like 35 on the freeway and was disoriented. Unfortunately I was babysitting so I had my 12 year old nephew with me. Grandpa kept calling him by the wrong name. Was calling my nephew my uncles name. That scared me. Grandpa couldn't' walk barely, not a straight line nor just keep upright it was like. It was like he was wasted on the sauce, but wasn't. Hes the last one. My last Grandparent. His wife, my Grandmother died a few years ago. My other Grandparents have passed on as well. I hate this. I hate getting older. This is going to hurt a lot of people. I know whats going to happen soon. I can feel it. My oldest brother, he's gonna take it the worst I think. He's always been really close to Grandpa. This is gonna hurt everyone so much. I'd better get going now, I've got to go sit with him while my oldest brother goes out for a few. Yesterday Grandpa tried to make spaghetti, he put the noodles on a glass plate and tried cooking it over the flame burners of the stove. I hope I can keep myself together when I get there...

Randomness at its best...

good nite